If you’ve ever challenged by the journey of raising or working with a girl (if? I should say when!), then you’ve wished you could get some ideas on what to do—and get them quickly. I think you’ve finally got a place to do that.
It’s a new website, www.daughters.com/, created by a group of folks who know girls just about as well as anyone, New Moon Girl Media.
Daughters.com features advice from experts and parents, an interactive community, and has its information and resources organized a variety of topics, from body image and building friendships to dating and communicating successfully. Key elements of daughters.com include:
"Ask the Experts” Forum: Submit questions on parenting girls to New Moon Girl Media’s Expert Advisory Board
"Parent to Parent” Discussion Board where parents, grandparents and caregivers of girls meet up, connect with and support one another on a vast array of issues
Fully-searchable collection of more than 250 articles written by the top experts on raising girls—and real-life parents & stepparents of girls.
Parenting Daughters Expert blogs by me and New Moon Girl Media Founder Nancy Gruver.
Here’s what renowned girls’ development specialist and author JoAnn Deak, Ph.D. says about daughters.com: “Parents of girls are in desperate need of a genuine, trusted ally available to help with the challenges of raising daughters.
At daughters.com, parents can focus in and get the information they need with a few clicks of their mouse, instead of digging through online resources or reading entire books on a wide range of topics. As a result, parents will have more tools at their fingertips for raising their daughters, and more time to spend with their girls instead of searching endlessly for answers.”
Pool workout for arthritis
It is an advantage staying home with the kid because I am able to get in the pool a lot more. I have two really bad knees and the pool has been a great relief. I actually purchased a workout designed for seniors to workout in the pool. Even just getting in the pool and playing with the kids has helped tremendously.
Half Moon Cookies
I dont want to keep sounding like that "yankee" that grew up in NY. Since we have moved to Florida I have noticed many things that dont seem right. One thing is half moon cookies. Please tell me, Why all places that sell theses cookies frost them on the round side instead of the flat side?
HALF-MOON COOKIES (HEMSTROUGHT'S BAKERY)
Makes about 30
FOR THE COOKIES:
3 3/4 cups flour
3/4 tsp. baking powder
2 tsp. baking soda
2 1/4 cup sugar
16 tbsp. margarine, cut into pieces
3/4 cup cocoa, sifted
1/4 tsp. salt
2 eggs
1 tsp. vanilla extract
1 1/2 cups milk
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line cookie sheets with parchment paper.
Sift together flour, baking powder, and baking soda in a medium bowl and set aside. Put sugar, margarine, cocoa, and salt in bowl of standing mixer and beat on medium speed until fluffy. Add eggs and vasmooth; repeat nilla and continue to beat. Add half the milk, then half the flour mixture, beating after each addition until with remaining milk and flour mixture. Spoon or pipe batter onto parchment-lined baking sheets, making 3-inch rounds 2-inches apart.
Bake until cookies are set, about 12 minutes. Allow to cool, then remove from parchment.
FOR THE FUDGE ICING:
3 1/2 oz. bittersweet chocolate
3 1/2 oz. semisweet chocolate
1 tbsp. butter
4 1/3 cups confectioners’ sugar, sifted
2 tbsp. corn syrup
1 tsp. vanilla extract
Pinch salt
Melt bittersweet and semisweet chocolates and butter in the top of a double boiler over simmering water over medium heat. Add confectioners’ sugar, corn syrup, vanilla, salt, and 6 tbsp. boiling water and mix to a smooth, stiff paste with a rubber spatula. Thin icing with up to 8 tbsp. more boiling water. Icing should fall from a spoon in thick ribbons. Keep icing warm in a double boiler over low heat.
FOR THE BUTTERCREAM ICING:
7 cups confectioners’ sugar
16 tbsp. room temperature butter, cut into pieces
1/2 cup vegetable shortening
7 tbsp. milk
1 tbsp. vanilla extract
Pinch salt
Put sugar, butter, shortening, milk, vanilla, and salt in the bowl of a standing mixer. Beat on low speed to mix, then increase to medium and beat until light and fluffy.
TO FROST THE COOKIES:
Using a metal spatula, spread about 1 tbsp. of warm fudge icing on half of the flat side of each cookie. Spread the other half of each cookie with 1 heaping tbsp. buttercream icing.
HALF-MOON COOKIES (HEMSTROUGHT'S BAKERY)
Makes about 30
FOR THE COOKIES:
3 3/4 cups flour
3/4 tsp. baking powder
2 tsp. baking soda
2 1/4 cup sugar
16 tbsp. margarine, cut into pieces
3/4 cup cocoa, sifted
1/4 tsp. salt
2 eggs
1 tsp. vanilla extract
1 1/2 cups milk
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line cookie sheets with parchment paper.
Sift together flour, baking powder, and baking soda in a medium bowl and set aside. Put sugar, margarine, cocoa, and salt in bowl of standing mixer and beat on medium speed until fluffy. Add eggs and vasmooth; repeat nilla and continue to beat. Add half the milk, then half the flour mixture, beating after each addition until with remaining milk and flour mixture. Spoon or pipe batter onto parchment-lined baking sheets, making 3-inch rounds 2-inches apart.
Bake until cookies are set, about 12 minutes. Allow to cool, then remove from parchment.
FOR THE FUDGE ICING:
3 1/2 oz. bittersweet chocolate
3 1/2 oz. semisweet chocolate
1 tbsp. butter
4 1/3 cups confectioners’ sugar, sifted
2 tbsp. corn syrup
1 tsp. vanilla extract
Pinch salt
Melt bittersweet and semisweet chocolates and butter in the top of a double boiler over simmering water over medium heat. Add confectioners’ sugar, corn syrup, vanilla, salt, and 6 tbsp. boiling water and mix to a smooth, stiff paste with a rubber spatula. Thin icing with up to 8 tbsp. more boiling water. Icing should fall from a spoon in thick ribbons. Keep icing warm in a double boiler over low heat.
FOR THE BUTTERCREAM ICING:
7 cups confectioners’ sugar
16 tbsp. room temperature butter, cut into pieces
1/2 cup vegetable shortening
7 tbsp. milk
1 tbsp. vanilla extract
Pinch salt
Put sugar, butter, shortening, milk, vanilla, and salt in the bowl of a standing mixer. Beat on low speed to mix, then increase to medium and beat until light and fluffy.
TO FROST THE COOKIES:
Using a metal spatula, spread about 1 tbsp. of warm fudge icing on half of the flat side of each cookie. Spread the other half of each cookie with 1 heaping tbsp. buttercream icing.
Google 411
Google 411!
Tired of getting those $1-$2 charges on your phone bill every time you call information? Google has just launched a free 411 telephone directory service. Call 1-800-GOOG-411 or, 1-800-4664-411, to check it out. Absolutely brilliant. It really works!
Tired of getting those $1-$2 charges on your phone bill every time you call information? Google has just launched a free 411 telephone directory service. Call 1-800-GOOG-411 or, 1-800-4664-411, to check it out. Absolutely brilliant. It really works!
Eveything For Pizza
Homemade Pizza
Posted by Elise on Jan 8, 2007
The following method I patched together from recipes in both Joy of Cooking and Cook's Illustrated The Best Recipe. I made two batches of dough, four pizzas in all, with varied toppings. Next time I'll be a bit more patient with stretching out the dough so I can get it even thinner. Look to the end of this post for some excellent links about pizza from other food bloggers.
Homemade Pizza Recipe
Ingredients
Pizza Dough: Makes enough dough for two 10-12 inch pizzas
1 1/2 cups warm water (105°F-115°F)
1 package (2 1/4 teaspoons) of active dry yeast (check the expiration date on the package)
3 1/2 cups bread flour (can use all-purpose but bread flour will give you a crisper crust)
2 Tbsp olive oil
2 teaspoons salt
1 teaspoon sugar
Pizza Ingredients
Olive oil
Cornmeal (to slide the pizza onto the pizza stone)
Tomato sauce
Mozzarella or Parmesan cheese, shredded
Feta cheese
Mushrooms, thinly sliced
Bell peppers, stems and seeds removed, thinly sliced
Italian sausage, cooked ahead
Chopped fresh basil
Pesto
Pepperoni, thinly sliced
Onions, thinly sliced
Sliced ham
Special equipment needed
A pizza stone, highly recommended if you want your pizza dough to be crusty
A pizza peel or a flat baking sheet
A pizza wheel for cutting the pizza, not required, but easier to deal with than a knife
Method
Making the Pizza Dough
1) In the large bowl of a heavy duty electric mixer (such as a Kitchen Aid), add the warm water. Sprinkle on the yeast and let sit for 5 minutes until the yeast is dissolved. Stir to dissolve completely if needed at the end of 5 minutes.
2) Attach a mixing paddle to the mixer. Mix in the olive oil, flour, salt and sugar on low speed for about a minute. Remove the mixing paddle and replace with a dough hook. Knead using the mixer and dough hook, on low to medium speed, until the dough is smooth and elastic, about 10 minutes. If you don't have a mixer, you can mix and knead by hand.
3)Place ball of dough in a bowl that has been coated lightly with olive oil. Turn the dough around in the bowl so that it gets coated with the oil. Cover with plastic wrap. Let sit in a warm place (75-85°F) until it doubles in size, about 1 to 1 1/2 hours. If you don't have a warm spot in the house you can heat the oven to 150 degrees, and then turn off the oven. Place the bowl of dough in this warmed oven to rise.
At this point, if you want to make ahead, you can freeze the dough in an airtight container for up to two weeks.
Preparing the Pizzas
1) Place a pizza stone on a rack in the lower third of your oven. Preheat the oven to 450°F for at least 30 minutes, preferably an hour.
2) Remove the plastic cover from the dough and punch the dough down so it deflates a bit. Divide the dough in half. Form two round balls of dough. Place each in its own bowl, cover with plastic and let sit for 10 minutes.
3) Prepare your desired toppings. Note that you are not going to want to load up each pizza with a lot of toppings as the crust will end up not crisp that way. About a third a cup each of tomato sauce and cheese would be sufficient for one pizza. One to two mushrooms thinly sliced will cover a pizza.
4)Working one ball of dough at a time, take one ball of dough and flatten it with your hands on a slightly floured work surface. Starting at the center and working outwards, use your fingertips to press the dough to 1/2-inch thick. Turn and stretch the dough until it will not stretch further. Let the dough relax 5 minutes and then continue to stretch it until it reaches the desired diameter - 10 to 12 inches. Use your palm to flatten the edge of the dough where it is thicker. You can pinch the very edges if you want to form a lip.
5) Brush the top of the dough with olive oil (to prevent it from getting soggy from the toppings). Use your finger tips to press down and make dents along the surface of the dough to prevent bubbling. Let rest another 5 minutes.
Repeat with the second ball of dough.
6) Lightly sprinkle your pizza peel (or flat baking sheet) with corn meal. Transfer one prepared flattened dough to the pizza peel. If the dough has lost its shape in the transfer, lightly shape it to the desired dimensions.
7) Spoon on the tomato sauce, sprinkle with cheese, and place your desired toppings on the pizza.
8) Sprinkle some cornmeal on the baking stone in the oven (watch your hands, the oven is hot!). Gently shake the peel to see if the dough will easily slide, if not, gently lift up the edges of the pizza and add a bit more cornmeal. Slide the pizza off of the peel and on to the baking stone in the oven. Bake pizza one at a time until the crust is browned and the cheese is golden, about 10-15 minutes. If you want, toward the end of the cooking time you can sprinkle on a little more cheese.
Links:
Apple, Bacon, and Onion Pizza from Stephen of Stephen Cooks
Potato Pizza from Susan the Food Blogga
Three Onion and Three Cheese Pizza from Farmgirl Fare
New York pizza worth missing a plane for by Brett of In Praise of Sardines
Meatball Deep Dish Pizza from Chopper of Belly Timber
Cilantro Chili Pizza from Brownie Points
Perfect pizzas from Sean of Hedonia
Best Pizza Dough Ever from Heidi of 101 Cookbooks
Luzzo's and the Quest for the Perfect Pizza essay by Jeanne of Cook Sister
Rustic vegetarian pizzas with whole wheat crust from Stefania of CityMama
10 steps to painless pizza making - useful tips from Deb of Smitten Kitchen
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The Daily Grill
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Enjoy a summer of sizzlin' good eats. See Today's Recipe
Sandwiches for Supper
Sink your teeth into a month of hearty and flavorful stackers. See Calendar
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BBQ made easy
If you dream of achieving the perfect pulled pork or a tender, juicy brisket like your favorite pit-house, follow these 7 easy steps to learn how.
Carolina-style barbecue features a thin, vinegar-based sauce that gives the shredded pork a tangy kick. Vinegar-based sauces are typically lower in sugar than sweet, tomato-based sauces, and here, the sauce is brushed on a bone-in pork shoulder, also known as Boston butt. Complete the menu with fresh tomato slices and grilled corn.
Recipe: Carolina Pulled Pork with Lexington Red Sauce
from Southern Living
FREE TRIAL - Recipes & More!
There are two key concepts to remember when barbecuing meat: low temperature and smoke. The low heat allows the meat to tenderize while the smoke provides a much-desired pinkinsh ring called the "smoke ring". Even if you don't have a traditional pit smoker, your charcoal or gas grill can still do the trick.
Step 1: Start with the right cut of meat. Try a whole pork shoulder, Boston butt, or beef brisket. Trim the fat to about 1/8-inch thick and season generously with your favorite rub. Wrap the meat tightly with plastic wrap and let it chill overnight in the refrigerator.
Slow and Smoky Barbecue Recipes
Smoked Brisket
Smoked Pork
Smoked Pork Shoulder
Smoked Prime-Rib
Beef Brisket with Texas Barbecue Sauce
Step 2: If you want to use wood chips to achieve a smoky flavor, soak them in water overnight. Soaking prevents them from burning so as the chips smolder, they produce smoke that flavors the meat and yields the desired smoke ring. Experiment with different flavors such as hickory, alder, apple wood, or mesquite. Assume you will need about 1 handful of chips per 30 minutes.
Step 3: Get an early start because slowly barbecuing meat takes time. Light your smoker or prepare your charcoal or gas grill using indirect-heat. Bring the temperature of the smoker or grill up to 250°. While the grill heats, remove the meat from the fridge and let it sit out for 30 to 45 minutes to bring it to room temperature. This will ensure even cooking. Note: when using a gas grill with two burners, light one side and set the meat above the other side. Put the smoking chips in a cast-iron smoker box and place the box on top of the heat source.
Step 4: Place the meat fat side down and cook for two hours. Turn the meat fat side up and continue to cook maintaining the temperature in the smoker between 225° and 250°. Assume 1 1/2 hours per pound for the total cook time. Every time you add wood chips or charcoal, spritz the meat with a vinegar-based sauce or apple juice to add moisture.
Step 5: When 2 hours remain, spritz the meat generously with the sauce or apple juice and wrap the meat in aluminum foil. Place it back on the grill to finish cooking. When the internal temperature reaches 195° for pork and 155° for brisket the meat is ready. For truly tender brisket, continue cooking until 185°. Remember that when smoking, the temperature of the meat, not the time is the most important factor in determining doneness.
Step 6: Remove the meat from the smoker and let it cool for 15 to 30 minutes before removing and discarding the foil. Remove the bones and then begin pulling, or shredding, the meat with two large forks. Remove and discard any fat.
Step 7: Add the sauce of your choice to the pulled pork and toss (Mouthwatering Barbecue Sauces).
revised April 2009
Latest in Grilling
Bar Planning 101
10 Secrets to Grade-A Grilling
Can Your Grill Kill You?
Grill Maintenance 101
Carolina-style barbecue features a thin, vinegar-based sauce that gives the shredded pork a tangy kick. Vinegar-based sauces are typically lower in sugar than sweet, tomato-based sauces, and here, the sauce is brushed on a bone-in pork shoulder, also known as Boston butt. Complete the menu with fresh tomato slices and grilled corn.
Recipe: Carolina Pulled Pork with Lexington Red Sauce
from Southern Living
FREE TRIAL - Recipes & More!
There are two key concepts to remember when barbecuing meat: low temperature and smoke. The low heat allows the meat to tenderize while the smoke provides a much-desired pinkinsh ring called the "smoke ring". Even if you don't have a traditional pit smoker, your charcoal or gas grill can still do the trick.
Step 1: Start with the right cut of meat. Try a whole pork shoulder, Boston butt, or beef brisket. Trim the fat to about 1/8-inch thick and season generously with your favorite rub. Wrap the meat tightly with plastic wrap and let it chill overnight in the refrigerator.
Slow and Smoky Barbecue Recipes
Smoked Brisket
Smoked Pork
Smoked Pork Shoulder
Smoked Prime-Rib
Beef Brisket with Texas Barbecue Sauce
Step 2: If you want to use wood chips to achieve a smoky flavor, soak them in water overnight. Soaking prevents them from burning so as the chips smolder, they produce smoke that flavors the meat and yields the desired smoke ring. Experiment with different flavors such as hickory, alder, apple wood, or mesquite. Assume you will need about 1 handful of chips per 30 minutes.
Step 3: Get an early start because slowly barbecuing meat takes time. Light your smoker or prepare your charcoal or gas grill using indirect-heat. Bring the temperature of the smoker or grill up to 250°. While the grill heats, remove the meat from the fridge and let it sit out for 30 to 45 minutes to bring it to room temperature. This will ensure even cooking. Note: when using a gas grill with two burners, light one side and set the meat above the other side. Put the smoking chips in a cast-iron smoker box and place the box on top of the heat source.
Step 4: Place the meat fat side down and cook for two hours. Turn the meat fat side up and continue to cook maintaining the temperature in the smoker between 225° and 250°. Assume 1 1/2 hours per pound for the total cook time. Every time you add wood chips or charcoal, spritz the meat with a vinegar-based sauce or apple juice to add moisture.
Step 5: When 2 hours remain, spritz the meat generously with the sauce or apple juice and wrap the meat in aluminum foil. Place it back on the grill to finish cooking. When the internal temperature reaches 195° for pork and 155° for brisket the meat is ready. For truly tender brisket, continue cooking until 185°. Remember that when smoking, the temperature of the meat, not the time is the most important factor in determining doneness.
Step 6: Remove the meat from the smoker and let it cool for 15 to 30 minutes before removing and discarding the foil. Remove the bones and then begin pulling, or shredding, the meat with two large forks. Remove and discard any fat.
Step 7: Add the sauce of your choice to the pulled pork and toss (Mouthwatering Barbecue Sauces).
revised April 2009
Latest in Grilling
Bar Planning 101
10 Secrets to Grade-A Grilling
Can Your Grill Kill You?
Grill Maintenance 101
Stay home dad cooks
Most all stay home dads have to learn how to multi-task and this includes cooking meals. Throwing fish sticks or chicken nuggets in the oven or the reliable Ramon noodle meal will get old after a while. The key thing is to figure out what favorite foods of the kids cross over your favorites. There is no set rules when it comes to cooking for kids. example: If they like eggs, do green eggs and ham for dinner. ( make it fun and get the kids involved)
Are you a Stay at home dad?
Are you a stay at home dad? Are you planning on becoming a stay at home father? If so, you probably have many questions and concerns.
In today's economy and way of life, many children are raised in a household where both parents have to work to make ends meet. The family structure of today is a far cry from our parents generation and even how many of us were raised. It is a rarity these days to have a mother who wants to and can stay home with her children full-time, and do so with financial stability. It is even more rare to find a father, who is willing and able, to stay home full-time with the children.
With parenting roles changing and forging new and uncharted paths, it is increasingly harder to define the duties and expectations of the roles of "mom" and "dad". In many ways, the fact that men of today are much more involved then men of past generations, regarding household duties and in the raising of the children, it may be refreshing for "us" to decide, as a new generation of parents, what we expect from each other.
The stay at home dad's questions and concerns are not unlike the mother who is considering staying at home, full-time, to raise the kids. How will it work out financially for us? Am I okay not being the bread winner in the family? Will I regret not being able to pursue my own career aspirations at this time? Do I have the stamina to manage household duties, raising the children, and maintaining a happy, healthy marriage? How will I deal with the potential guilt that I may feel if I were to "miss out" in the work world, or if I decide to work, the guilt about not being with my children? These are hard-hitting questions that can be daunting to discuss with the significant other, but they are necessary. Here is the great news: you are not alone in figuring all this out! Besides helpful support from close friends and family, there are wonderful on-line resources to seek out when you could use help.
At Home Dad is a website that is a support to stay at home dad's everywhere. There's a Questions and Answers forum if you would like another dad's perspective or advice on how to do something. There's an absolutely wonderful page on the site, that allows you to search for a "Daddy and Baby" playgroup in your state and local area. You may find it challenging with existing friends and meeting new ones, for both you and the children, once you make that cross-over to being a SAHD. Connecting with other SAHD's is a great way to make new friends and have strong support for yourself and the kids.
For all the local Sacramento dads, here is a playgroup you may want to look in to and it's called Dads in Greater Sacramento (D.I.G.S). Another great site is Meet-Ups. Here you can find any number of groups to join regarding any interest! This site is easy to navigate and connect with other dad's groups.
Author: Kimberly Benny
Kimberly Benny is an Examiner from Sacramento. You can see Kimberly's articles on Kimberly's Home Page.
My Bio
Subscribe to Email
Add Kimberly to Favorite Examiners
In today's economy and way of life, many children are raised in a household where both parents have to work to make ends meet. The family structure of today is a far cry from our parents generation and even how many of us were raised. It is a rarity these days to have a mother who wants to and can stay home with her children full-time, and do so with financial stability. It is even more rare to find a father, who is willing and able, to stay home full-time with the children.
With parenting roles changing and forging new and uncharted paths, it is increasingly harder to define the duties and expectations of the roles of "mom" and "dad". In many ways, the fact that men of today are much more involved then men of past generations, regarding household duties and in the raising of the children, it may be refreshing for "us" to decide, as a new generation of parents, what we expect from each other.
The stay at home dad's questions and concerns are not unlike the mother who is considering staying at home, full-time, to raise the kids. How will it work out financially for us? Am I okay not being the bread winner in the family? Will I regret not being able to pursue my own career aspirations at this time? Do I have the stamina to manage household duties, raising the children, and maintaining a happy, healthy marriage? How will I deal with the potential guilt that I may feel if I were to "miss out" in the work world, or if I decide to work, the guilt about not being with my children? These are hard-hitting questions that can be daunting to discuss with the significant other, but they are necessary. Here is the great news: you are not alone in figuring all this out! Besides helpful support from close friends and family, there are wonderful on-line resources to seek out when you could use help.
At Home Dad is a website that is a support to stay at home dad's everywhere. There's a Questions and Answers forum if you would like another dad's perspective or advice on how to do something. There's an absolutely wonderful page on the site, that allows you to search for a "Daddy and Baby" playgroup in your state and local area. You may find it challenging with existing friends and meeting new ones, for both you and the children, once you make that cross-over to being a SAHD. Connecting with other SAHD's is a great way to make new friends and have strong support for yourself and the kids.
For all the local Sacramento dads, here is a playgroup you may want to look in to and it's called Dads in Greater Sacramento (D.I.G.S). Another great site is Meet-Ups. Here you can find any number of groups to join regarding any interest! This site is easy to navigate and connect with other dad's groups.
Author: Kimberly Benny
Kimberly Benny is an Examiner from Sacramento. You can see Kimberly's articles on Kimberly's Home Page.
My Bio
Subscribe to Email
Add Kimberly to Favorite Examiners
Rise of stay at home Dad
The Rise of the Stay-At-Home Dad
June 26, 2009 09:30 AM ET Kimberly Palmer Permanent Link Print
In The Daddy Shift: How Stay-at-Home Dads, Breadwinning Moms, and Shared Parenting Are Transforming the American Family, Jeremy Adam Smith explores the lives of fathers who decide to become primary caregivers to their children. Smith himself opted to scale back his own work schedule so he could be home with his then-one-year-old son, and felt like the odd person out on the local playground until he met other stay-at-home dads. I recently spoke with Smith about why more fathers are making the decision to prioritize caregiving over their careers, and how they are treated by others. Excerpts:
So often, it seems like discussions about working parents focuses on mothers. Why do you think that is?
Historically, women have been the primary parents. They've engaged in the most caregiving behavior. When the women's movement started and women started going to work in large numbers, they asked workplaces and society to recognize their caregiving, so they had flex time and maternity leave. In the meantime, it was still very much case that fathering was defined as breadwinning. The ideal that was embraced in many workplaces was that the male worker be a robot, unencumbered by family responsibilities. In the book, I argue that the definition of fathering has expanded beyond breadwinning to include a capacity for caregiving.
[For more, see: "The Challenges and Rewards of Part-Time Work."]
Do people tend to overlook men's role as caregivers?
I still think it's the case that people equate family issues with women's issues. Everybody does it. It reflects the weight of that history.
Did you find any trends or commonalities among men who decided to scale back their own work schedules to focus more on caregiving?
I found, and other research has found, a range of motivations for why families decide to share caregiving or make the father the primary caregiver. The biggest reason is that the mother makes more money than the father or has better career prospects. With one couple in the book, she was a scientist and was studying to be a doctor. He was in a place where he could temporarily drop out of his career and she was not. So they decided he would do it. Research by Jennifer Van Hook at Penn State found that a high level of paid parental leave also correlated with greater father involvement. Men bond with their children, too, if they're around. So if companies give men that opportunity, they'll have a higher level of involvement.
One thing that surprises people is that the availability of child care and early childhood education also correlates with fathers' involvement, because when you have two working parents, the pressure is strong for the father to be as involved as the mother.
Do you think fathers who stay at home with their kids are judged? You describe moms on the playground wondering why you weren't at work.
The more I talk about it, the more complicated I consider this to be. Dads who are taking care of their kids during the weekday are a minority. They experience all the problems that minorities experience. Gender is an even tougher barrier than other social barriers. Moms meet each other on neighborhood playgrounds and in general, they bond readily. Fathers are more out on their own, and some fathers are made to feel like outsiders.
A lot of fathers feel like they're held of as exceptional. Hearing, 'You're such a hero" can be just as alienating. How fathers experience this depends on what kind of community they're in. I live in a dense, urban area in San Francisco, and there are a lot of dads around. If fathers are able to start their own groups, that helps their mental and physical health. I went to Kansas City, which you wouldn't think of being particularly progressive on gender issues, but there was a large cohesive group of stay-at-home dads scattered all over the city.
Many dads in the book went through a period of adjusting their self-image and priorities. Breadwinning is very much the baseline against which people judge.
[For more, see: "Creative Ways to Combine Work & Family."]
How did you decided to take a year off when your son was born?
My wife and I never assumed that one of us was the natural breadwinner and natural caregiver. Before my son was born, we assumed she would go back to work after six months, but she and he weren't ready, so she didn't work at all for the first year. Then, at a certain point, we talked about her going back, but we didn't want to put our son in day care. I wasn't sure we could afford it anyway. I was at a cross roads in my career. I could leave, and I did.
At the end of the book, you describe your recommendation of mothers taking the first year of a baby's life off from work, and then fathers taking over for the second year. Why does that two-year plan seem best to you?
When people talk about parenting, they tend to take whatever they did and project it as ideal. But it does seem kind of ideal to me. Childbirth is tough and it's good if the woman can take the first year off, and then it's really great when the father can take over for the second year. It's at a time when the child is learning to separate from the mother and learn independence, risk, and how to walk. Fathers can really play a role and be a bridge there, between dependency on the mother and the rest of the world.
A lot of dads worry about the impact taking time off would have on their career. Did you worry about that?
I had been a nonprofit manager, and after I became a parent, I felt like I didn't want to do that anymore. It was really inflexible and I realized I had to change my life. I had been a journalist, and decided to be a writer and editor. So I used the time to engineer this career transition. I worked for a few hours in the morning every day, so it worked out well. That's pretty typical of a lot of stay-at-home dads. They'll keep a hand in the labor market. In my experience, every dad on the playground did some work. One was a contract archeologist and went to Mexico once a month, another was a private chef and two nights a week would cook for a rich person.
Do you think dads as primary caregivers will become more common?
I sure hope so. The overwhelming trend is for women to do more work and for men to do more care. We're moving in the direction of families becoming more egalitarian and sharing more equitably than in the past. I argue that what created more stay-at-home dads was women going to work, and also instability in the job market. There is no more lifelong employment. In that circumstance, families have to be nimble. They can't afford to specialize. Both parents have to be capable of taking on either of these roles. I think that's going to be the reality for a long time. You can resist that, or embrace it and understand what you're gaining. For women, they can gain a greater degree of personal independence and accomplishment in careers and jobs. For men, they can gain a fuller life and greater sense of humanity.
What advice do you have for dads who are weighing the decision of whether to stay home or not?
My advice is to do it. Nothing about parenthood is forever. I think there's a lot of fear mongering, that if you drop out of the workforce, you'll never get back in, or you'll lose 30 percent of your income. The answer to that is, "Not necessarily." If you keep a hand in the labor force and do something to educate yourself and keep networking, then if you want to transition into the workforce you will probably be able to. Don't let fear tell you what to do. You have to do what's best for your family.
June 26, 2009 09:30 AM ET Kimberly Palmer Permanent Link Print
In The Daddy Shift: How Stay-at-Home Dads, Breadwinning Moms, and Shared Parenting Are Transforming the American Family, Jeremy Adam Smith explores the lives of fathers who decide to become primary caregivers to their children. Smith himself opted to scale back his own work schedule so he could be home with his then-one-year-old son, and felt like the odd person out on the local playground until he met other stay-at-home dads. I recently spoke with Smith about why more fathers are making the decision to prioritize caregiving over their careers, and how they are treated by others. Excerpts:
So often, it seems like discussions about working parents focuses on mothers. Why do you think that is?
Historically, women have been the primary parents. They've engaged in the most caregiving behavior. When the women's movement started and women started going to work in large numbers, they asked workplaces and society to recognize their caregiving, so they had flex time and maternity leave. In the meantime, it was still very much case that fathering was defined as breadwinning. The ideal that was embraced in many workplaces was that the male worker be a robot, unencumbered by family responsibilities. In the book, I argue that the definition of fathering has expanded beyond breadwinning to include a capacity for caregiving.
[For more, see: "The Challenges and Rewards of Part-Time Work."]
Do people tend to overlook men's role as caregivers?
I still think it's the case that people equate family issues with women's issues. Everybody does it. It reflects the weight of that history.
Did you find any trends or commonalities among men who decided to scale back their own work schedules to focus more on caregiving?
I found, and other research has found, a range of motivations for why families decide to share caregiving or make the father the primary caregiver. The biggest reason is that the mother makes more money than the father or has better career prospects. With one couple in the book, she was a scientist and was studying to be a doctor. He was in a place where he could temporarily drop out of his career and she was not. So they decided he would do it. Research by Jennifer Van Hook at Penn State found that a high level of paid parental leave also correlated with greater father involvement. Men bond with their children, too, if they're around. So if companies give men that opportunity, they'll have a higher level of involvement.
One thing that surprises people is that the availability of child care and early childhood education also correlates with fathers' involvement, because when you have two working parents, the pressure is strong for the father to be as involved as the mother.
Do you think fathers who stay at home with their kids are judged? You describe moms on the playground wondering why you weren't at work.
The more I talk about it, the more complicated I consider this to be. Dads who are taking care of their kids during the weekday are a minority. They experience all the problems that minorities experience. Gender is an even tougher barrier than other social barriers. Moms meet each other on neighborhood playgrounds and in general, they bond readily. Fathers are more out on their own, and some fathers are made to feel like outsiders.
A lot of fathers feel like they're held of as exceptional. Hearing, 'You're such a hero" can be just as alienating. How fathers experience this depends on what kind of community they're in. I live in a dense, urban area in San Francisco, and there are a lot of dads around. If fathers are able to start their own groups, that helps their mental and physical health. I went to Kansas City, which you wouldn't think of being particularly progressive on gender issues, but there was a large cohesive group of stay-at-home dads scattered all over the city.
Many dads in the book went through a period of adjusting their self-image and priorities. Breadwinning is very much the baseline against which people judge.
[For more, see: "Creative Ways to Combine Work & Family."]
How did you decided to take a year off when your son was born?
My wife and I never assumed that one of us was the natural breadwinner and natural caregiver. Before my son was born, we assumed she would go back to work after six months, but she and he weren't ready, so she didn't work at all for the first year. Then, at a certain point, we talked about her going back, but we didn't want to put our son in day care. I wasn't sure we could afford it anyway. I was at a cross roads in my career. I could leave, and I did.
At the end of the book, you describe your recommendation of mothers taking the first year of a baby's life off from work, and then fathers taking over for the second year. Why does that two-year plan seem best to you?
When people talk about parenting, they tend to take whatever they did and project it as ideal. But it does seem kind of ideal to me. Childbirth is tough and it's good if the woman can take the first year off, and then it's really great when the father can take over for the second year. It's at a time when the child is learning to separate from the mother and learn independence, risk, and how to walk. Fathers can really play a role and be a bridge there, between dependency on the mother and the rest of the world.
A lot of dads worry about the impact taking time off would have on their career. Did you worry about that?
I had been a nonprofit manager, and after I became a parent, I felt like I didn't want to do that anymore. It was really inflexible and I realized I had to change my life. I had been a journalist, and decided to be a writer and editor. So I used the time to engineer this career transition. I worked for a few hours in the morning every day, so it worked out well. That's pretty typical of a lot of stay-at-home dads. They'll keep a hand in the labor market. In my experience, every dad on the playground did some work. One was a contract archeologist and went to Mexico once a month, another was a private chef and two nights a week would cook for a rich person.
Do you think dads as primary caregivers will become more common?
I sure hope so. The overwhelming trend is for women to do more work and for men to do more care. We're moving in the direction of families becoming more egalitarian and sharing more equitably than in the past. I argue that what created more stay-at-home dads was women going to work, and also instability in the job market. There is no more lifelong employment. In that circumstance, families have to be nimble. They can't afford to specialize. Both parents have to be capable of taking on either of these roles. I think that's going to be the reality for a long time. You can resist that, or embrace it and understand what you're gaining. For women, they can gain a greater degree of personal independence and accomplishment in careers and jobs. For men, they can gain a fuller life and greater sense of humanity.
What advice do you have for dads who are weighing the decision of whether to stay home or not?
My advice is to do it. Nothing about parenthood is forever. I think there's a lot of fear mongering, that if you drop out of the workforce, you'll never get back in, or you'll lose 30 percent of your income. The answer to that is, "Not necessarily." If you keep a hand in the labor force and do something to educate yourself and keep networking, then if you want to transition into the workforce you will probably be able to. Don't let fear tell you what to do. You have to do what's best for your family.
Florida Unemployment
It doesn't feel great to have to be on unemployment but the state
of Florida helps out a lot. Their online service is outstanding.
Florida Job Marketplace
of Florida helps out a lot. Their online service is outstanding.
SpikeTv
This is the channel for men. Especially if your able to stay home. Everything from UFC to Girls. Plus alot moreCheck it out
SpikeTV.com
Food with flavor
[1/2] Cant wait to get back to NY for some real food. Especially Knuckleheads. Im not sure why flavor didnt make it from the north to the south. I might have to bring good food to Florida myself.
Salad
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Jack Russell crazy
I'm going crazy with a Jack Russell that spite poops every time she doesn't get what she wants. Any ideas?
Solar energy
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Florida Solar Energy Center-Home
Drug stores
Im not sure if it is good or not for all of these drug stores that pop up on every corner.
CVS site
Walgreens site
GI Joe
I am really looking forward to the GI Joe movie coming in Aug. It should take a lot of us '70s kids back to our youth.
Harry Potter
My wife and oldest daughter went to see Harry Potter Blood prince. They said it was very good and would recomend it.
Transformers
The new trfansformers movie was great. My youngest took me on a date and we both totaly enjoyed it.
Loud Music
I love music and I do like it loud. I dont like to listen to the music of someone three cars away. Why do we allow this constant disturbing of the peace? Especially late at night when the windows on the house rattle from the thump.
Helio phone
I have had Helio by Virgin mobile for over two years now and have nothing but good things to say about them. The coverage and customer service has been fantastic. Currently have the Ocean2.
Helio Main Page
Americas Got Talent!
Very interesting show. My kids seem to love it. Im on the fence with this show.
Martial Arts
My youngest is has started taking Tae Kwon Do and is loving it. Great for kids confidence and self control. Her dream is to do this in college and go to the olympics. She has a way to go but you never know.
Chicken Nuggets and kids
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Spouse alone time
I never thought I would have to schedule time with my wife in the middle of her busy schedule. She is the best and I love her for her sacrifices.
Pizza
Is serving pizza to the kids for breakfast, lunch and dinner that bad? I don't think so. To my knowledge it has pretty much all of the food groups in one spot.
Going Back Home
Going back home to NY to visit. Cant wait to see family and friends. But am apprehensive about going back. Not sure why. The kids are over the top about going.
Looking for Hobby
I have been looking for a hobby that might keep my brain occupied and maybe make some money. Any ideas?
Eating Healthy
Why does eating healthy and trying to give your kids good nutrition cost so much? any alternatives?
Honey do lists
The do list has been pretty long but we have got a lot of projects done and plan on doing more
What to have for dinner?
Being home so often now I have found that coming up with something different for meals everyday becomes a chore. I wore out the fast food thing and ordering out the first month home. Trust me my kids let me know it to.
North vs South
Can someone please tell me why is the rivalry between the Nothern people(yankees) and people from the South still alive today?
Teenage girls and makeup
What is a good age to start letting your teenage daughter start wearing makeup?
Summer Vacations
Arent summer vacations suppose to be relaxing when you go away. Instaed we turn it into more work then our jobs. Running around trying to see everyone and everything. I dont get it. Any ideas?
Cable vs Internet TV
Is it stealing? I dont think so. We needed to cut in some places so to save money so I had the cable turned off and left the internet on. Saves us about $90 a month. I have found some great resources like Hulu.com, for tv shows. Plus all of the networks have full episodes of favorite shows. The kids still watch all of their favorite shows also.
Spouse bringing home the Bacon
Looking for thoughts on the topic of the man staying home while his wife works alot and is the br ead winner?
Staying home to be Soccer Dad
Being recently unemployed has given me the opportunity to take on one of the hardest jobs in my life. Staying home with my two girls. ( 13 and 8 )
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